Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ninja for Hire... ?

While surfing my favorites websites, I came across this interesting KSL classified... (Unfortunatley it will not allow me to cut and paste, so I will type it exactly as it shows on the ad...)

$30/Hr

Ninja for Hire!!!

Welcome to Ninja for Hire!!



I'm Jon Ninja, your local ninja, for jobs you need done.



Ninja for Hire Rules and Regulations :(**)

1. Ninja can be hired to do almost any job

2. Ninja do not do jobs that cause harm/damage to people/property

3. Specialty jobs are available please see the section for what I can do also feel free to ask about anything not listed.

4. Travel is not a problem, but please call ahead of time. There will be a fee of $20 for gas on top of the hourly price.

5. This is a real business, and whether you think its funny or not, please refrain from useless calls.

6. I have been persuing the Way of the Ninja for 5 years. i am an honorable man and only do legal work.



JOB SECTION

Section 1: Basic Jobs $30/hour



House/Apartment Sitting: I will guard your house well (yes, 'well') you are away. (And I will steal your things.)

Birthday Parties: Can do fun demonstrations for anyone of any age. Will dress as full Ninja!

Surprise Parties: Will do anything from ock fighting and improve (I am not making this up)to just stand around or guard the boss. Full Ninja!

Improve/Theatrical Shows: Stage acting and the like.

Mock/Fake Fighting: Put on a real good show for your entertainment.



Section 2: Ninja Jobs. $30/Hr. Actual jobs I will do as a Ninja.



Stelth/Espionage: I will sneak in and out of any place I can.

Surveillance: Will watch a place for people or someone/group. (Creepy)

Intel Collection: Will gather information on someone/group for customer.

Ninja Massage: Using old massage methods will help you relax and be at peace. (If you touch me, I will hit you so hard, Chuck Norris look like a whimp.)

Ninja Training: Offer to train other people in the ways of ninja. I have learned.

Custom Ninja Gear: Will make custom body gear for customers.

Personal Security: Will act as a body guard in every way.

Home Security: Can be on property or in home to guard people.

Delf Defense/Other Training: Will teach customers ways a defense that a ninja would use.



Section 3: General Labor Jobs (Bids/Estimates)



House/Apartment Cleaning: Will clean out your place of junk (haha) for you. (And I will steal your things.)

Basic Repair Jobs: Can fix basic problems around the house or yard. (As a ninja? Or a repairman?)

Help Moving: Help you pack up and move. (And I will steal your things.)

Dump/Disposal/Junk Hauling: Will come and haul away the junk for you.

Towing: Can come and give you a tow to a mechanic, trucks and smaller cars.

Painting: Can come paint for you or be extra hands.

Yard Cleaning/Maintenance: Can mow, edge, and whack the weeds and clean it all up.



Section 4: Specialty Jobs. Price Varies.

Bachorlette Parties: Ninja dance for the ladies!! (Um... What?!)

Protection/Hiding: Hide and protect you from someone or something. (Haha. Like the IRS?)

Jobs that are not a normal request. (What part of these requests are NORMAL?)

Call for more details.



Ninja for Hire is in the process of becoming a real business.

Please contact me via my mobile number for best results. Text or Call to discuss work or ask about my services. Please call in advance at least 24 hours.



Thank you for being a customer of Ninja(s) for Hire. (Ninja(s)? As in Plural?!)





So that is ONE ad he has on KSL. . . There is a more recent one...





Ninja Smeinar (he really spelled it like this), Spring Sign Up



Hello. I am Jon Ninja.



I am setting up a spring training seminar for people interested in nunja. please sign up here by sending me an email.



This seminar will run from teh last week in April to the first week in May.



Cost will no matter as it will be up to each person to provide for themselves. all that is offeres is a place to sleep and training. (Um... Sleep? WEIRD!)



So please email me with any question you have or call me.





Wow... is all I have to say. Talk about a bad economy, look at what people have resorted to!


Look at this guy... Wow. Just wow.

3 comments:

Charlie Pulsipher said...

Wow...my refinishing business looks much better now. Maybe I should dress up as Shredder from the teenage mutant ninja turtles as I refinish people's stuff. "Ninja Refinishing will stealthily restore your kitchen table to practically new! Keeeyaaaah!"

Funny Stuff I Write

Natasha said...

This might be the best thing I've ever read! Haha I'm so glad you posted that.

Josi Bunder said...

Sell and buy used and new goods.
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